lyrics - english translation
The erratic flight of a butterfly
(c) 2018 Gerald Massois
Lyrics by Gerald MASSOIS
1 - A Friday of Tears
It all happened so fast
No time to breathe
I thought we could run away
Ten seconds of eternity...
A few steps from the exit
I felt you stumble
Instinctively, I grabbed you
An obsession, I must not let you go...
Barely out on the sidewalk
In the midst of the wounded
Taken over by the police
Immediately separated
I struggle and I resist
I'm being shouted back
Overwhelmed by what's happening
I accept resigned
Too late when I realize
That I should have insisted
That was the last time I saw you.
This last fucking time...
At this moment I become aware
Of what just happened
A war scene, a wind of panic
Something totally foolish
It's so barbaric and violent.
You can't imagine
I saw a field of beautiful flowers
Suddenly fade
I feel a prick in my spine
Who starts bleeding
Maybe the adrenaline
Had made me forget
And this pain so sharp,
Keeps me from breathing
My vision blurs, I'm cold, I sweat,
I feel my body give up...
Weeks have gone by
And deep down in my soul
Something broke.
I no longer recognize
The reflection of this man... in the mirror
A lost man... In disgrace...
(I feel like a ghost in a world without landmark, without desire, without taste, and I wander alone in the middle of all these bodies which turn around me...)
I can't close my eyes anymore
I'm too afraid of
Relive these images in a loop
Your face
Which obsesses me
I stay for hours
Facing the remorse that shackles me
I'm a prisoner
From this Friday of tears
2 - A Prison of Dreams
Days go by in silence
Nothing has moved here
You just took a vacation
You are only absent
Your agency stuff,
Your toothbrush, your cup.
I omit the evidence
As if nothing had happened.
I built myself a world, my own reality
An incomplete parallel universe
(unlikely rereading of the past...)
A glass cathedral with cracked walls
A castle upside down, flickering,
To foundations that bend downwind...
I abuse prescriptions
From a mountain of pills
Like a veil over my senses,
That blocks my thought
I locked myself away
In a prison of dreams
A shelter for a truce
On the walls of barbed wire
I built myself a world, my own reality
An incomplete parallel universe,
(I rewrite the code of the past)
A glass cathedral with cracked walls
A castle upside down, flickering,
Ready to collapse, and suddenly when...
comes at night,
in the dark
Everything around me is falling apart
The walls are falling,
And the shadows,
Smothers all glimmer of hope...
3- The blood of the innocent
Pt.1 : An irrepressible rage
I remind in spite of myself
Continuously this scene of terror
And no matter what I do
The past takes its place again
I must accept
The reality
How can one premeditate
to bloodshed, cowardly,
So much innocent blood?
To be the dregs of humanity?
I'll never be able
Knowing how to forgive
I drowned my questions
In misunderstanding
Anger rises, burns inside me
The pain,
In its wake
Fed an irrepressible rage,
That keeps me from moving on,
To forget, to close my wounds
Pt2 : A disillusioned youth
How did we get here
To the fact that lost young people
On the margins of society
All too often stigmatized
Turn into killers
In conditioned robots
Blind with resentment
The hatred of our freedoms
Are they solely responsible
About what happened?
So many lamentable policies
Interference from the cities
Who deliver alone to themselves
A disillusioned youth
Who has lost his bearings
And his dreams of immensity
These youngsters have become the prey
Of Armed preachers
Who promise a wind of hope
One goal, one identity
An illusion, a mirage
A lie well camouflaged
To motivations of rage
That nothing seems to stop
How to find landmarks?
In a superficial world
Who only likes to wallow
In a virtual farce
Here the appearance is golden
Form is at the forefront
And everyone avoids each other, ignores each other
Sleeping through his screen
You never learn from history
We imagine ourselves so different
This eternal race for power
That makes all our leaders addicted
Nothing changes...
Where is the nobility of this cause?
When without moods
We kill hundreds of innocent people
It's just unspeakable.
What can they see?
In their mirror?
Is Man thus programmed
For hate and war
And if we had forgotten
That we're all brothers?
I refuse to believe
In their victory
All our lives
To satisfy our desires
Warm and safe
From a world of tears
The veil has torn
On our dark past
A dark legacy
Missed acts
And mistakes of our elders
Chorus
Under a flood of hate and suffering
I lost my innocence in that war
Deeply buried my carelessness
My arrogance erased from my face
-
I survived, but is it really a chance?
The look masked by my ignorance
I am alone with my inconsistencies
Lost in my own addictions
4 - November (Instrumental)
5- The Wounds of my soul
Images rush into my head when I recall my life,
I have learned that nothing is for granted,
That a victory today
Will fade tomorrow
Day after day I advance on the thread... of my destiny
Every breath of air reminds me that I am miraculous
That in a few minutes, a few moments,
Death touched me
Even breathing demands a price
A ransom to pay
I don't complain anymore, I get it,
I'll have to pay for it.
I will never see our children
Growing up, emancipating.
Those kids we wanted so badly,
But there wasn't enough time
I fight at every moment
I'm in minefields
Like all these people
With a chained heart
I've known so many faithful friends
Suddenly taken with amnesia
I don't even want to tell them
That I hate them, that I curse them...
I sailed against the wind
On an ocean of tears
And I drowned in my blood
The wounds of my soul
I have this question that haunts me
Since I have this second chance
Will my life be the same?
Will my life be the same?
Faced with tomorrow's disappointments
I lead my resistance
Will my life be the same?
Will my life be the same?
And I'm learning this new dance
With irreverence,
Will my life be the same?
Will my life be the same?
But when I feel your presence
My life takes on its full meaning
My life will be the same
I'm convinced of that.
My life will stay the same!
I'm not fooled by my destiny all traced out
Get up one day, sit tomorrow, I know...
Like a lighthouse in the sea
You are my guide, my light,
My happiness, my support,
And without you, I know,
I would be nothing...
5 - A combination of circumstances
This morning when I woke up
Everything seemed different
The burden on my shoulders seemed
Suddenly less heavy
I had lost the North
De-adjusted my compass
But today I understand effortlessly
I must take my flight
Without thinking I moved everything
In the apartment
I discovered this little notebook
This will
A complete inventory,
Carefully classified,
The very essence of what you were
Your moods, your thoughts
And all this time I haven't noticed
Did I get through?
Of the magic you were releasing
Of your universe
Maybe I was too blinded
By the superficial
That I finally missed myself
On the essentials
Will you let me be the guest of your secrets?
Were we really strangers to each other?
So many doubts, so many unanswered questions
So many answers to find...
And I turn the pages with a trembling hand
And I walk through this new world of clay
I rediscover the feeling of being alive
To enjoy
From the present moment
Fascinating,
How life is a mysterious combination of circumstances
Finally I perceive all the nuances
The smallest detail takes all its importance
I learn with pain from my mistakes
I kept everything against my heart
This handwritten page
Where you longly speak not without fear
In case of life leaves you
Not staying chained
To let you go
To rebuild ashes from the past
A new future
I fell asleep peacefully
You joined me in a dream
I felt rocked like a child
During this short truce
And I slept with air
in invisible ink,
A farewell word that will, I hope, express,
my unspeakable regrets
I'm sorry I couldn't watch over you.
For failing to protect you close to me
Maybe we just had bad luck
In a tragic combination of circumstances
I wish I hadn't told you so many times.
For not having learned to share better
My doubts, my fears, my joys, my sorrows, my plans
In a tragic combination of circumstances
I promised myself that I would respect the letter
The words in your notebook and so your whole being
And thus to apply your last will and testament
I am determined
Out of the past
God, it's hard to let you go.
And if I don't, it would be betraying you
I must show patience, perseverance,
With the seeds
Of my Renaissance
7 - The Void of Your Absence
Our story was unjustly stopped
And I'm being pulled by
The ambivalence of feelings
And I had to relearn how to live without
Trying to rebuild me
Faced with such a persistent world
And for hours on end
I dream of good times
Of those few minutes of sweetness
That make us feel alive
Of those seeds of happiness
Who sublimate the present
I even smile at our mouths
Finally
So Insignificant
I came so close to nothing
Time has done its work
Wounds close gently
Sobs return but less frequently
Grief and regret
Fade away in the wind
And according to the moods
I dream of good times
Of those few minutes of sweetness
That make us feel alive
Of those seeds of happiness
Who sublimate the present
I feel now that it's time
Finally
To move forward
I keep in my heart
All those precious moments
These magical fragments of pure innocence
That help me fill the void of your absence
8 - The erratic flight of a butterfly
Pt1- A new chapter
I sealed the final chapter
Of ten years of our lives
All night I wandered alone
Completely dizzy
I feel now that it's time
To free my mind from my heart
One year already I have scattered
Your ashes in the sea
Sparkling fairy dust
Who turns sand into glass
I never knew how to say thank you
For watching over me, over my life
The anger is gone
Away from here
She goes out to sea
I've regained hope
The end of the hall
Who announces the light
The dawn of a new era
Pt2 - Wing deployment
A fresh wind has just risen
The sun is starting to break through
Everything spins around me
Exhilarating
I had forgotten the important thing
All this time
How intoxicating
To feel alive
To seize
Fully the present time
Blood flows through my veins
Every second is worth it
For a long time I ran away, shouted so loudly
From now on
I have to face the wind all sails outside
I pulled out these old wings
And I'm constantly trying to get off the ground
Raising me so high,
far to the firmament
And touch
The sacred waters of your soul
"My dear wife,
I haven't written to you in weeks, I'm so sorry.
I was all dented, the after had not spared me, and I had to learn to repair myself with the little I had
I had to accept your grief, to live without you,
Today, everything is different, I have regained my confidence
The burden on my shoulders went away, and the wounds gradually closed.
Your notebook was a great help, I thank you for it, I finally had a guide, a landmark.
The wind knew how to move away each day a little more sobs, sorrow, and regrets.
Today finally I take flight, free and peaceful
With all my love"
Pt 3 - A bottle at sea
I threw it into the sea,
Right where I left you,
A soft glass case
In which I had deposited
Words and a prayer
In order to let you
Fly away
Caught in salt scum
The bottle traces in its groove
A drawing that recalls
The erratic flight of a butterfly
Ephemeral flapping of wings
That break the light
In the waves
I put away my anger
I woke up fully
I left far behind
The traces of a painful past
I face the sea
I see you walking away
I feel... Finally at peace
The erratic flight of a butterfly
(c) 2018 Gerald Massois
Lyrics by Gerald MASSOIS
1 - A Friday of Tears
It all happened so fast
No time to breathe
I thought we could run away
Ten seconds of eternity...
A few steps from the exit
I felt you stumble
Instinctively, I grabbed you
An obsession, I must not let you go...
Barely out on the sidewalk
In the midst of the wounded
Taken over by the police
Immediately separated
I struggle and I resist
I'm being shouted back
Overwhelmed by what's happening
I accept resigned
Too late when I realize
That I should have insisted
That was the last time I saw you.
This last fucking time...
At this moment I become aware
Of what just happened
A war scene, a wind of panic
Something totally foolish
It's so barbaric and violent.
You can't imagine
I saw a field of beautiful flowers
Suddenly fade
I feel a prick in my spine
Who starts bleeding
Maybe the adrenaline
Had made me forget
And this pain so sharp,
Keeps me from breathing
My vision blurs, I'm cold, I sweat,
I feel my body give up...
Weeks have gone by
And deep down in my soul
Something broke.
I no longer recognize
The reflection of this man... in the mirror
A lost man... In disgrace...
(I feel like a ghost in a world without landmark, without desire, without taste, and I wander alone in the middle of all these bodies which turn around me...)
I can't close my eyes anymore
I'm too afraid of
Relive these images in a loop
Your face
Which obsesses me
I stay for hours
Facing the remorse that shackles me
I'm a prisoner
From this Friday of tears
2 - A Prison of Dreams
Days go by in silence
Nothing has moved here
You just took a vacation
You are only absent
Your agency stuff,
Your toothbrush, your cup.
I omit the evidence
As if nothing had happened.
I built myself a world, my own reality
An incomplete parallel universe
(unlikely rereading of the past...)
A glass cathedral with cracked walls
A castle upside down, flickering,
To foundations that bend downwind...
I abuse prescriptions
From a mountain of pills
Like a veil over my senses,
That blocks my thought
I locked myself away
In a prison of dreams
A shelter for a truce
On the walls of barbed wire
I built myself a world, my own reality
An incomplete parallel universe,
(I rewrite the code of the past)
A glass cathedral with cracked walls
A castle upside down, flickering,
Ready to collapse, and suddenly when...
comes at night,
in the dark
Everything around me is falling apart
The walls are falling,
And the shadows,
Smothers all glimmer of hope...
3- The blood of the innocent
Pt.1 : An irrepressible rage
I remind in spite of myself
Continuously this scene of terror
And no matter what I do
The past takes its place again
I must accept
The reality
How can one premeditate
to bloodshed, cowardly,
So much innocent blood?
To be the dregs of humanity?
I'll never be able
Knowing how to forgive
I drowned my questions
In misunderstanding
Anger rises, burns inside me
The pain,
In its wake
Fed an irrepressible rage,
That keeps me from moving on,
To forget, to close my wounds
Pt2 : A disillusioned youth
How did we get here
To the fact that lost young people
On the margins of society
All too often stigmatized
Turn into killers
In conditioned robots
Blind with resentment
The hatred of our freedoms
Are they solely responsible
About what happened?
So many lamentable policies
Interference from the cities
Who deliver alone to themselves
A disillusioned youth
Who has lost his bearings
And his dreams of immensity
These youngsters have become the prey
Of Armed preachers
Who promise a wind of hope
One goal, one identity
An illusion, a mirage
A lie well camouflaged
To motivations of rage
That nothing seems to stop
How to find landmarks?
In a superficial world
Who only likes to wallow
In a virtual farce
Here the appearance is golden
Form is at the forefront
And everyone avoids each other, ignores each other
Sleeping through his screen
You never learn from history
We imagine ourselves so different
This eternal race for power
That makes all our leaders addicted
Nothing changes...
Where is the nobility of this cause?
When without moods
We kill hundreds of innocent people
It's just unspeakable.
What can they see?
In their mirror?
Is Man thus programmed
For hate and war
And if we had forgotten
That we're all brothers?
I refuse to believe
In their victory
All our lives
To satisfy our desires
Warm and safe
From a world of tears
The veil has torn
On our dark past
A dark legacy
Missed acts
And mistakes of our elders
Chorus
Under a flood of hate and suffering
I lost my innocence in that war
Deeply buried my carelessness
My arrogance erased from my face
-
I survived, but is it really a chance?
The look masked by my ignorance
I am alone with my inconsistencies
Lost in my own addictions
4 - November (Instrumental)
5- The Wounds of my soul
Images rush into my head when I recall my life,
I have learned that nothing is for granted,
That a victory today
Will fade tomorrow
Day after day I advance on the thread... of my destiny
Every breath of air reminds me that I am miraculous
That in a few minutes, a few moments,
Death touched me
Even breathing demands a price
A ransom to pay
I don't complain anymore, I get it,
I'll have to pay for it.
I will never see our children
Growing up, emancipating.
Those kids we wanted so badly,
But there wasn't enough time
I fight at every moment
I'm in minefields
Like all these people
With a chained heart
I've known so many faithful friends
Suddenly taken with amnesia
I don't even want to tell them
That I hate them, that I curse them...
I sailed against the wind
On an ocean of tears
And I drowned in my blood
The wounds of my soul
I have this question that haunts me
Since I have this second chance
Will my life be the same?
Will my life be the same?
Faced with tomorrow's disappointments
I lead my resistance
Will my life be the same?
Will my life be the same?
And I'm learning this new dance
With irreverence,
Will my life be the same?
Will my life be the same?
But when I feel your presence
My life takes on its full meaning
My life will be the same
I'm convinced of that.
My life will stay the same!
I'm not fooled by my destiny all traced out
Get up one day, sit tomorrow, I know...
Like a lighthouse in the sea
You are my guide, my light,
My happiness, my support,
And without you, I know,
I would be nothing...
5 - A combination of circumstances
This morning when I woke up
Everything seemed different
The burden on my shoulders seemed
Suddenly less heavy
I had lost the North
De-adjusted my compass
But today I understand effortlessly
I must take my flight
Without thinking I moved everything
In the apartment
I discovered this little notebook
This will
A complete inventory,
Carefully classified,
The very essence of what you were
Your moods, your thoughts
And all this time I haven't noticed
Did I get through?
Of the magic you were releasing
Of your universe
Maybe I was too blinded
By the superficial
That I finally missed myself
On the essentials
Will you let me be the guest of your secrets?
Were we really strangers to each other?
So many doubts, so many unanswered questions
So many answers to find...
And I turn the pages with a trembling hand
And I walk through this new world of clay
I rediscover the feeling of being alive
To enjoy
From the present moment
Fascinating,
How life is a mysterious combination of circumstances
Finally I perceive all the nuances
The smallest detail takes all its importance
I learn with pain from my mistakes
I kept everything against my heart
This handwritten page
Where you longly speak not without fear
In case of life leaves you
Not staying chained
To let you go
To rebuild ashes from the past
A new future
I fell asleep peacefully
You joined me in a dream
I felt rocked like a child
During this short truce
And I slept with air
in invisible ink,
A farewell word that will, I hope, express,
my unspeakable regrets
I'm sorry I couldn't watch over you.
For failing to protect you close to me
Maybe we just had bad luck
In a tragic combination of circumstances
I wish I hadn't told you so many times.
For not having learned to share better
My doubts, my fears, my joys, my sorrows, my plans
In a tragic combination of circumstances
I promised myself that I would respect the letter
The words in your notebook and so your whole being
And thus to apply your last will and testament
I am determined
Out of the past
God, it's hard to let you go.
And if I don't, it would be betraying you
I must show patience, perseverance,
With the seeds
Of my Renaissance
7 - The Void of Your Absence
Our story was unjustly stopped
And I'm being pulled by
The ambivalence of feelings
And I had to relearn how to live without
Trying to rebuild me
Faced with such a persistent world
And for hours on end
I dream of good times
Of those few minutes of sweetness
That make us feel alive
Of those seeds of happiness
Who sublimate the present
I even smile at our mouths
Finally
So Insignificant
I came so close to nothing
Time has done its work
Wounds close gently
Sobs return but less frequently
Grief and regret
Fade away in the wind
And according to the moods
I dream of good times
Of those few minutes of sweetness
That make us feel alive
Of those seeds of happiness
Who sublimate the present
I feel now that it's time
Finally
To move forward
I keep in my heart
All those precious moments
These magical fragments of pure innocence
That help me fill the void of your absence
8 - The erratic flight of a butterfly
Pt1- A new chapter
I sealed the final chapter
Of ten years of our lives
All night I wandered alone
Completely dizzy
I feel now that it's time
To free my mind from my heart
One year already I have scattered
Your ashes in the sea
Sparkling fairy dust
Who turns sand into glass
I never knew how to say thank you
For watching over me, over my life
The anger is gone
Away from here
She goes out to sea
I've regained hope
The end of the hall
Who announces the light
The dawn of a new era
Pt2 - Wing deployment
A fresh wind has just risen
The sun is starting to break through
Everything spins around me
Exhilarating
I had forgotten the important thing
All this time
How intoxicating
To feel alive
To seize
Fully the present time
Blood flows through my veins
Every second is worth it
For a long time I ran away, shouted so loudly
From now on
I have to face the wind all sails outside
I pulled out these old wings
And I'm constantly trying to get off the ground
Raising me so high,
far to the firmament
And touch
The sacred waters of your soul
"My dear wife,
I haven't written to you in weeks, I'm so sorry.
I was all dented, the after had not spared me, and I had to learn to repair myself with the little I had
I had to accept your grief, to live without you,
Today, everything is different, I have regained my confidence
The burden on my shoulders went away, and the wounds gradually closed.
Your notebook was a great help, I thank you for it, I finally had a guide, a landmark.
The wind knew how to move away each day a little more sobs, sorrow, and regrets.
Today finally I take flight, free and peaceful
With all my love"
Pt 3 - A bottle at sea
I threw it into the sea,
Right where I left you,
A soft glass case
In which I had deposited
Words and a prayer
In order to let you
Fly away
Caught in salt scum
The bottle traces in its groove
A drawing that recalls
The erratic flight of a butterfly
Ephemeral flapping of wings
That break the light
In the waves
I put away my anger
I woke up fully
I left far behind
The traces of a painful past
I face the sea
I see you walking away
I feel... Finally at peace
The erratic flight of a butterfly
(c) 2018 Gerald Massois
Lyrics by Gerald MASSOIS
1 - A Friday of Tears
It all happened so fast
No time to breathe
I thought we could run away
Ten seconds of eternity...
A few steps from the exit
I felt you stumble
Instinctively, I grabbed you
An obsession, I must not let you go...
Barely out on the sidewalk
In the midst of the wounded
Taken over by the police
Immediately separated
I struggle and I resist
I'm being shouted back
Overwhelmed by what's happening
I accept resigned
Too late when I realize
That I should have insisted
That was the last time I saw you.
This last fucking time...
At this moment I become aware
Of what just happened
A war scene, a wind of panic
Something totally foolish
It's so barbaric and violent.
You can't imagine
I saw a field of beautiful flowers
Suddenly fade
I feel a prick in my spine
Who starts bleeding
Maybe the adrenaline
Had made me forget
And this pain so sharp,
Keeps me from breathing
My vision blurs, I'm cold, I sweat,
I feel my body give up...
Weeks have gone by
And deep down in my soul
Something broke.
I no longer recognize
The reflection of this man... in the mirror
A lost man... In disgrace...
(I feel like a ghost in a world without landmark, without desire, without taste, and I wander alone in the middle of all these bodies which turn around me...)
I can't close my eyes anymore
I'm too afraid of
Relive these images in a loop
Your face
Which obsesses me
I stay for hours
Facing the remorse that shackles me
I'm a prisoner
From this Friday of tears
2 - A Prison of Dreams
Days go by in silence
Nothing has moved here
You just took a vacation
You are only absent
Your agency stuff,
Your toothbrush, your cup.
I omit the evidence
As if nothing had happened.
I built myself a world, my own reality
An incomplete parallel universe
(unlikely rereading of the past...)
A glass cathedral with cracked walls
A castle upside down, flickering,
To foundations that bend downwind...
I abuse prescriptions
From a mountain of pills
Like a veil over my senses,
That blocks my thought
I locked myself away
In a prison of dreams
A shelter for a truce
On the walls of barbed wire
I built myself a world, my own reality
An incomplete parallel universe,
(I rewrite the code of the past)
A glass cathedral with cracked walls
A castle upside down, flickering,
Ready to collapse, and suddenly when...
comes at night,
in the dark
Everything around me is falling apart
The walls are falling,
And the shadows,
Smothers all glimmer of hope...
3- The blood of the innocent
Pt.1 : An irrepressible rage
I remind in spite of myself
Continuously this scene of terror
And no matter what I do
The past takes its place again
I must accept
The reality
How can one premeditate
to bloodshed, cowardly,
So much innocent blood?
To be the dregs of humanity?
I'll never be able
Knowing how to forgive
I drowned my questions
In misunderstanding
Anger rises, burns inside me
The pain,
In its wake
Fed an irrepressible rage,
That keeps me from moving on,
To forget, to close my wounds
Pt2 : A disillusioned youth
How did we get here
To the fact that lost young people
On the margins of society
All too often stigmatized
Turn into killers
In conditioned robots
Blind with resentment
The hatred of our freedoms
Are they solely responsible
About what happened?
So many lamentable policies
Interference from the cities
Who deliver alone to themselves
A disillusioned youth
Who has lost his bearings
And his dreams of immensity
These youngsters have become the prey
Of Armed preachers
Who promise a wind of hope
One goal, one identity
An illusion, a mirage
A lie well camouflaged
To motivations of rage
That nothing seems to stop
How to find landmarks?
In a superficial world
Who only likes to wallow
In a virtual farce
Here the appearance is golden
Form is at the forefront
And everyone avoids each other, ignores each other
Sleeping through his screen
You never learn from history
We imagine ourselves so different
This eternal race for power
That makes all our leaders addicted
Nothing changes...
Where is the nobility of this cause?
When without moods
We kill hundreds of innocent people
It's just unspeakable.
What can they see?
In their mirror?
Is Man thus programmed
For hate and war
And if we had forgotten
That we're all brothers?
I refuse to believe
In their victory
All our lives
To satisfy our desires
Warm and safe
From a world of tears
The veil has torn
On our dark past
A dark legacy
Missed acts
And mistakes of our elders
Chorus
Under a flood of hate and suffering
I lost my innocence in that war
Deeply buried my carelessness
My arrogance erased from my face
-
I survived, but is it really a chance?
The look masked by my ignorance
I am alone with my inconsistencies
Lost in my own addictions
4 - November (Instrumental)
5- The Wounds of my soul
Images rush into my head when I recall my life,
I have learned that nothing is for granted,
That a victory today
Will fade tomorrow
Day after day I advance on the thread... of my destiny
Every breath of air reminds me that I am miraculous
That in a few minutes, a few moments,
Death touched me
Even breathing demands a price
A ransom to pay
I don't complain anymore, I get it,
I'll have to pay for it.
I will never see our children
Growing up, emancipating.
Those kids we wanted so badly,
But there wasn't enough time
I fight at every moment
I'm in minefields
Like all these people
With a chained heart
I've known so many faithful friends
Suddenly taken with amnesia
I don't even want to tell them
That I hate them, that I curse them...
I sailed against the wind
On an ocean of tears
And I drowned in my blood
The wounds of my soul
I have this question that haunts me
Since I have this second chance
Will my life be the same?
Will my life be the same?
Faced with tomorrow's disappointments
I lead my resistance
Will my life be the same?
Will my life be the same?
And I'm learning this new dance
With irreverence,
Will my life be the same?
Will my life be the same?
But when I feel your presence
My life takes on its full meaning
My life will be the same
I'm convinced of that.
My life will stay the same!
I'm not fooled by my destiny all traced out
Get up one day, sit tomorrow, I know...
Like a lighthouse in the sea
You are my guide, my light,
My happiness, my support,
And without you, I know,
I would be nothing...
5 - A combination of circumstances
This morning when I woke up
Everything seemed different
The burden on my shoulders seemed
Suddenly less heavy
I had lost the North
De-adjusted my compass
But today I understand effortlessly
I must take my flight
Without thinking I moved everything
In the apartment
I discovered this little notebook
This will
A complete inventory,
Carefully classified,
The very essence of what you were
Your moods, your thoughts
And all this time I haven't noticed
Did I get through?
Of the magic you were releasing
Of your universe
Maybe I was too blinded
By the superficial
That I finally missed myself
On the essentials
Will you let me be the guest of your secrets?
Were we really strangers to each other?
So many doubts, so many unanswered questions
So many answers to find...
And I turn the pages with a trembling hand
And I walk through this new world of clay
I rediscover the feeling of being alive
To enjoy
From the present moment
Fascinating,
How life is a mysterious combination of circumstances
Finally I perceive all the nuances
The smallest detail takes all its importance
I learn with pain from my mistakes
I kept everything against my heart
This handwritten page
Where you longly speak not without fear
In case of life leaves you
Not staying chained
To let you go
To rebuild ashes from the past
A new future
I fell asleep peacefully
You joined me in a dream
I felt rocked like a child
During this short truce
And I slept with air
in invisible ink,
A farewell word that will, I hope, express,
my unspeakable regrets
I'm sorry I couldn't watch over you.
For failing to protect you close to me
Maybe we just had bad luck
In a tragic combination of circumstances
I wish I hadn't told you so many times.
For not having learned to share better
My doubts, my fears, my joys, my sorrows, my plans
In a tragic combination of circumstances
I promised myself that I would respect the letter
The words in your notebook and so your whole being
And thus to apply your last will and testament
I am determined
Out of the past
God, it's hard to let you go.
And if I don't, it would be betraying you
I must show patience, perseverance,
With the seeds
Of my Renaissance
7 - The Void of Your Absence
Our story was unjustly stopped
And I'm being pulled by
The ambivalence of feelings
And I had to relearn how to live without
Trying to rebuild me
Faced with such a persistent world
And for hours on end
I dream of good times
Of those few minutes of sweetness
That make us feel alive
Of those seeds of happiness
Who sublimate the present
I even smile at our mouths
Finally
So Insignificant
I came so close to nothing
Time has done its work
Wounds close gently
Sobs return but less frequently
Grief and regret
Fade away in the wind
And according to the moods
I dream of good times
Of those few minutes of sweetness
That make us feel alive
Of those seeds of happiness
Who sublimate the present
I feel now that it's time
Finally
To move forward
I keep in my heart
All those precious moments
These magical fragments of pure innocence
That help me fill the void of your absence
8 - The erratic flight of a butterfly
Pt1- A new chapter
I sealed the final chapter
Of ten years of our lives
All night I wandered alone
Completely dizzy
I feel now that it's time
To free my mind from my heart
One year already I have scattered
Your ashes in the sea
Sparkling fairy dust
Who turns sand into glass
I never knew how to say thank you
For watching over me, over my life
The anger is gone
Away from here
She goes out to sea
I've regained hope
The end of the hall
Who announces the light
The dawn of a new era
Pt2 - Wing deployment
A fresh wind has just risen
The sun is starting to break through
Everything spins around me
Exhilarating
I had forgotten the important thing
All this time
How intoxicating
To feel alive
To seize
Fully the present time
Blood flows through my veins
Every second is worth it
For a long time I ran away, shouted so loudly
From now on
I have to face the wind all sails outside
I pulled out these old wings
And I'm constantly trying to get off the ground
Raising me so high,
far to the firmament
And touch
The sacred waters of your soul
"My dear wife,
I haven't written to you in weeks, I'm so sorry.
I was all dented, the after had not spared me, and I had to learn to repair myself with the little I had
I had to accept your grief, to live without you,
Today, everything is different, I have regained my confidence
The burden on my shoulders went away, and the wounds gradually closed.
Your notebook was a great help, I thank you for it, I finally had a guide, a landmark.
The wind knew how to move away each day a little more sobs, sorrow, and regrets.
Today finally I take flight, free and peaceful
With all my love"
Pt 3 - A bottle at sea
I threw it into the sea,
Right where I left you,
A soft glass case
In which I had deposited
Words and a prayer
In order to let you
Fly away
Caught in salt scum
The bottle traces in its groove
A drawing that recalls
The erratic flight of a butterfly
Ephemeral flapping of wings
That break the light
In the waves
I put away my anger
I woke up fully
I left far behind
The traces of a painful past
I face the sea
I see you walking away
I feel... Finally at peace
Photo par Steve Halama